This blog has been all over the place recently and it looks to me like it is dying. I think it is time for me to take out the big guns and tell you more about myself. In doing so, I will spend most of the time complaining, even though I live a mostly privileged and lucky life. First let's respond to Doc:
80% of minorities? Harsh! I hate a lot of people, but it is not because they are minorities. It is because most people they are selfish and inconsiderate, regardless of their background.
Anyway, even though I hate all of these people, apparently I have to work with them. I just received a degree and am now forced to look for a full time job, beyond my part time jobs. Apparently if you want to move out of your parents house you need money. This was a situation which I did not plan well for. I got three degrees in a field that I was interested in and enjoyed. I think this may have been a mistake. Of course, this is quite early in my job search (Day 8 to be precise), and I should not be complaining this much yet, but I am. It just does not look good out there. Given, it did not look that good for anyone for the past few years. However, now it is directly impacting me so I can start being officially depressed by it. Look, I am going to keep applying and keep complaining for what may be many years from now. I think I need a game plan. Let's try to figure one out together.
I. Music
I think that during this job search I should only utilize certain forms of entertainment. In regards to music, I am limiting myself to folk songs from the 1960s. During the 1960s, many people operated under the strange assumption that one can actually implement social and political change without violence and in a very short time. Much of this hopefulness has died. However, one way of expression this want of change was through music. Specifically building on folk music form the Great Depression. Groups like the Chad Mitchell Trio and The Weavers sang songs which focused on the plight of the working man. I think it is crucial that I listen to this music during this job application process. This way I will feel like the whole world is working to help me get a job and that even the popular art forms realize my problems in getting a job.
II. Movies
It has got to be bleak foreign films. Right? I mean if I am going to be depressed I should really do it in style. You know, those films which make little sense but you know everyone is going to die before the end of it because the whole point of the film is to show you that life is meaningless because we will all die someday. Yeah, those are the ones for me.
III. Clothing
I think I have to start dressing worse. I don't mean for job interviews, I mean in everyday life. I want people to look at me and thing, "oh man, he needs a job!" This way they will help me get a job. No one is going to help a nicely dressed man get a job. He doesn't need a job, he is wearing a nice suit! I need to look really pathetic to pull this off. I think I have a tissue box that is almost finished at home that I can use for shoes.
IV. Be Odd
I have to stick out in people's minds. That is how someone gets a job. The interviewer or person going through resumes somehow remembers you. I have to start having strange habits. Maybe I will wear a monocle. No one is going to forget the monocle guy. I think also I will start ending every sentence with the phrase "...but that is just my opinion." This will serve two purposes. Number 1, people will remember this. Number 2, I can not be wrong if it is my opinion. No more worrying about what I say in front of potential employers. What? Killing all of the cats in the world? That was just my opinion man, I am not saying it is good or we should do it. It is just my opinion. See, I can't be wrong.
V. Constantly Complain
The more I complain, the more likely it is that someone else will get me a job to shut me up. I have this ability to be really annoying. It is a gift. Sometimes I have trouble turning it off, but turning it on has never been a problem. I can cry about not having a full time job and my loved ones will work harder to get me one so they can avoid slipping on my tears.
VI. Apply to every job I see
Even if it does not apply to me or that I am dangerously unqualified. I can be a Foreman on a new building. I can be a cop. I can be anything I want to be. This way something has stick. Also, I can spend the moments I am applying to such jobs pretending I am qualified for those jobs. I always wanted to be a fireman, and now I can...because...I applied to the job.
VII. Eat more pie
This won't really help me get a job, but I do like pie and have been meaning to eat more.
VIII. Do a blog post about how you are looking for a job
This way, I can lie to people and say that I am networking. Who cares that you don't know what type of job I want and no one reads this blog. The Internet is viewed by millions of people every day. Maybe they will find my blog. That is what I call networking.
IX. Give potential employeers the idea that you will finish every job you start
fuck it...
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