The Real Enemy

Look, Doc is twisting things again. Clearly the Avengers is a terrible terrible (not a typo, it is that bad) movie. This can be made clear through a simple quote from the New York Times:

A. O. Scott of The New York Times believed that "while The Avengers is hardly worth raging about, its failures are significant and dispiriting. The light, amusing bits cannot overcome the grinding, hectic emptiness, the bloated cynicism that is less a shortcoming of this particular film than a feature of the genre."

Anyway, I am not here to talk about the Avengers. As bad as that movies is (and it is really bad), it is only one of the main concerns in our contemporary society. The real concern is, that dreaded enemy; milk duds.

First of all, salted Carmel. Does that even sound good to anyone? Even if you like salt and Carmel, how do these two tastes go together? I'll tell you how, they don't. The word "milk" in the title clearly refers to the milk chocolate. However, this is purposely misleading. They put the word milk in there to imply that it is healthy and it certainly is not. I can not stand when a snack product goes masquerading around as if it is healthy when it is clearly not. The second part of the name they got right, it is a dud. What a dud of an idea. The term dud really comes from the fact that they could not make the candy perfectly circular. I think that this initial failure should not have been incorporated into the name, but should have been a sign to the otherwise good people at Hershey that they should not be selling this horrendous product.

In fact, it was not Hershey that even created this Frankenstein candy running amok and destroying everything it touches. However, Hershey has made the product progressively worse by substituting the better, but more expensive, cocoa butter for some cheap substitutes. This is what officially makes this ball of terror the society destroyer that it is today. In fact, according to the FDA, these candies have been so perverted that they can not legally be described as candy coated in milk chocolate. Instead they are described as "chocolate candy" to trick the dumb consumer.

It is time that Doc gets his head out of his ass and recognized that Milk Duds are not the fun loving good time treat hethinks they are. They are a blemish on this society and are emblematic of all that is wrong with the candy industry. Doc admit the truth; Joss Whedon only cares about making money and exploiting a genre which has already been brutally done to death and has no artistic aspirations, while milk duds are a blight on this society. Both the Avengers and milk duds are preventing actual progress in the field of film and candy confectionery and need to be exposed for the terrors they are. Thank you for your time and please leave a donation to the anti-whedon and anti-milk duds boxes in the back of the room. There are also donuts and coffee provided by the sisterhood. Please enjoy and thank you for attending.