The Real Enemy

Look, Doc is twisting things again. Clearly the Avengers is a terrible terrible (not a typo, it is that bad) movie. This can be made clear through a simple quote from the New York Times:

A. O. Scott of The New York Times believed that "while The Avengers is hardly worth raging about, its failures are significant and dispiriting. The light, amusing bits cannot overcome the grinding, hectic emptiness, the bloated cynicism that is less a shortcoming of this particular film than a feature of the genre."

Anyway, I am not here to talk about the Avengers. As bad as that movies is (and it is really bad), it is only one of the main concerns in our contemporary society. The real concern is, that dreaded enemy; milk duds.

First of all, salted Carmel. Does that even sound good to anyone? Even if you like salt and Carmel, how do these two tastes go together? I'll tell you how, they don't. The word "milk" in the title clearly refers to the milk chocolate. However, this is purposely misleading. They put the word milk in there to imply that it is healthy and it certainly is not. I can not stand when a snack product goes masquerading around as if it is healthy when it is clearly not. The second part of the name they got right, it is a dud. What a dud of an idea. The term dud really comes from the fact that they could not make the candy perfectly circular. I think that this initial failure should not have been incorporated into the name, but should have been a sign to the otherwise good people at Hershey that they should not be selling this horrendous product.

In fact, it was not Hershey that even created this Frankenstein candy running amok and destroying everything it touches. However, Hershey has made the product progressively worse by substituting the better, but more expensive, cocoa butter for some cheap substitutes. This is what officially makes this ball of terror the society destroyer that it is today. In fact, according to the FDA, these candies have been so perverted that they can not legally be described as candy coated in milk chocolate. Instead they are described as "chocolate candy" to trick the dumb consumer.

It is time that Doc gets his head out of his ass and recognized that Milk Duds are not the fun loving good time treat hethinks they are. They are a blemish on this society and are emblematic of all that is wrong with the candy industry. Doc admit the truth; Joss Whedon only cares about making money and exploiting a genre which has already been brutally done to death and has no artistic aspirations, while milk duds are a blight on this society. Both the Avengers and milk duds are preventing actual progress in the field of film and candy confectionery and need to be exposed for the terrors they are. Thank you for your time and please leave a donation to the anti-whedon and anti-milk duds boxes in the back of the room. There are also donuts and coffee provided by the sisterhood. Please enjoy and thank you for attending.

Joss Whedon: 2012 Entertainer of the Year

EW's Entertainers of the year don't get on the list for making SHIT. They are there because they produce GOLD. Dos is still very bitter that The Avengers is the top grossing movie of the year, a crowd pleaser, and just an overall excellent movie. I can see now he can't be reasoned with. I tried to move on. But nope, we are still stuck here. So now I am going to list every single thing Dos has been wrong about in life:

The Avengers
Inception
Bowser (Throwback!)
I Love Lucy (The Honeymooners is better, no debate)
Music (His Ipod is just one Rihanna song after another... disgraceful)
Chickens / Meat
Spoilers
Midgets (They are not evil and do not dwell under bridges Dos!!)
Nutrageous (Fast Break!)
The Alphabet (Dos claims it is some type of massive conspiracy)
Muppets
"The Blacks" as Dos likes to call them (talking about milk duds people, sheesh)
Green Apples (Throwback again!)

Those are just a few items that Dos has been wrong about. Looks like the blog will remain on hiatus until Dos can move on and admit he is wrong. See ya'll in a few months.

Well, Looks like I just won the Avengers Debate!

I have refused to post on this blog until Doc rebutted my Avengers argument. It looks like I won. Since Doc has changed the subject, his defeat is clear. I am very sad the pain that this has brought my writing staff as they have been out of work due to Doc's negligence in admitting defeat. However, it is time to put this troublesome past behind us. Doc has lost, the war is over and the Dos team remains victorious. Since Doc has shown us his white flag, ON WITH THE BLOG! I look forward to a triumphant renaissance of the blog in the next few weeks!

Let's Just Pretend We Didn't Disappear For The Past Few Months...

DOC'S TOP 5 TV SHOWS OF 2012:

I don't watch too much on tv, but it is still a pretty solid list. So here we go:

1) Breaking Bad
Clearly the best show on tv. Still have 3 eps left until I am caught up with the rest of the world. But I am obsessed. I even have a Los Pollos Harmonos tshirt. Crazy addicting and always surprising. Top 5 tv show of all time!

2) Parks and Recreation
Probably the funniest show on tv. Every ep has me cracking up. This is a show I hope goes on for at least 3 more seasons.

3) Shark Tank
I am obsessed with this show. Love seeing what people come up with. And then watching the investors fight each other over who gets a piece of the pie. The only reality show Ive ever loved. Highly recommended.

4) Sunday NFL Football
Sadly, I do not watch too much else as far as series go. Sure, The Walking Dead and Sons of Anarchy would be here if I watched. Or Homeland. But Walking Dead will be on my 2013 list! And I will catch up with the rest at some point. I do like sitting back and watching the games on Sunday though. Cant go wrong with it.

5) The Office
Again, if I watched other series, this wouldn't be on the list. It is ok for a few chuckles still though. And I will see it to the end.

Thats it for TV shows. Next week I will bring you my top albums of 2012!

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Aevngers

Here is a list of the top 10 grossing films of all time. Ones which have received a lot of bad reviews are in bold:

1. Avatar
2. Titanic
3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Halos - Part 2
4. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
5. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
6. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
7. Toy Story 3 (The worst of the franchise)
8. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
9. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace
10. Alice in Wonderland

Wow, there are 10 terrible, or at least sub-par movies. I doubt any of these movies, with the possible exception of Lord of the Rings, would appear on anyone's top 10 list. I guess the amount of money a movie makes is in no way a reflection of the quality of a movie.


I will be seeing the movie on Saturday. This is for the sole reason that Doc will not use the excused of, "you never saw it," when I tell him it is a terrible movie that is just like every other superhero movie. I told him that I will be honest and admit if I like it after that, but I see very little chance of this occurring.

Furthermore, I did not say people who like this movie are dumb. I just said that most people are dumb and that is not a reason to go by box office receipts to judge the quality of the movie. Also, I am sure there are plenty of people who see this movie and end up not liking it. I will probably be one of those. So, just seeing a movie can not mean you are dumb. However, I do say that most people who like this move are sheep. They like very formulaic films where the same basic story happens every time. I do believe that one of the signs of a good movie is originality. Here are some quotes that agree with my prediction:

"Every now and then, director Joss Whedon executes a quirky camera set-up to assert that the film was created by him and not a team of marketing executives." - Ben Sachs

"There are also the fans who rage in the comments, as if men in spandex are as serious as war and the economy. Is there a defensive euphoria in seeing your childhood heroes come to life? Is 'The Avengers' a great film? No. Will people love it? Yes!" - Clay Cane


"Yet another brainless, overbloated and mostly underwhelming blockbuster despite marvelous visual effects." - Avi Offer

"Really, who cares about another battle? We know how this is going to end." - Karina Longworth

"Nothing but 2:20 of special effects and ridiculous fights...it's like all the superheroes are trying out at the Improv to see who can give the best one-liner, and none of them do." - Tony Medley

"If you're not much of a Marvel Comics person but just want to get an early start on your mindless summer moviegoing, well, I guess this picture is no stupider than anything else." - Andrew O'Hehir

"To watch another comic book transformed into another blockbuster is to "marvel" at much and to feel nothing - that's a safer bet than the converse, perhaps, which may explain the genre's popularity." - Rick Groen

I'll take the hit and see this movie for all of those who know it sucks before you see it. I will be your casualty in the war against banal film making! You are all welcome.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Avengers

A lot of people saw it because it was good!

And Dos will be seeing the movie on Saturday. So if his statement is true, he is admitting he is one of the dumb people.

Game. Set. Match.

Holla Holla Holla

Re: Re: Re: Re: The Avengers

The amount of money a film made does not mean that it is a good film. It just means that a lot of people saw it and most people are dumb. A fact which Doc and I agree on.

The Avengers received a 69 score out of 100 on metacritic.

Dos - 52,234
Doc - -56

Re: Re: Re: The Avengers

93% "Certified Fresh" approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on 254 Reviews

$207.4 million Opening Weekend

Doc - 1
Dos - 0

Re: Re: The Avengers

I will respond to each quote in the order which they were presented and then provide one more:

Yeah, and if Titanic was released in the 1700s everyone would be amazed that there are luxury cruise lines and moving images that you can watch on a screen. What a dumb quote! I also think the idea of someone's senses being raped sounds rather hellish and not a good selling point for a film. I honestly think this may have been a quote saying how the movie is obnoxiously loud and nauseating.

Whedon may be a good director. I can not judge this quote, nor do I think it contradicts the idea that all superhero movies are the same.

Christians are getting really really relaxed in their vocabulary and sentiments toward homosexuality. Kudos to them!

Saying that if you like the movie then you should look at its source material hardly means it is a good movie. This guy was just like, hey, if you like, you may like comic books.

The future is a scary place!

Excerpt from the New York Times Avengers  review:

While “The Avengers” is hardly worth raging about, its failures are significant and dispiriting. The light, amusing bits cannot overcome the grinding, hectic emptiness, the bloated cynicism that is less a shortcoming of this particular film than a feature of the genre. Mr. Whedon’s playful, democratic pop sensibility is no match for the glowering authoritarianism that now defines Hollywood’s comic-book universe. Some of the rebel spirit of Mr. Whedon’s early projects “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Firefly” and “Serenity” creeps in around the edges but as detail and decoration rather than as the animating ethos.

“I aim to misbehave,” Malcolm Reynolds famously said in “Serenity.” But for all their maverick swagger, the Avengers are dutiful corporate citizens, serving a conveniently vague set of principles. Are they serving private interests, big government, their own vanity, or what? It hardly matters, because the true guiding spirit of their movie is Loki, who promises to set the human race free from freedom and who can be counted on for a big show wherever he goes. In Germany he compels a crowd to kneel before him in mute, terrified awe, and “The Avengers,” which recently opened there to huge box office returns, expects a similarly submissive audience here at home. The price of entertainment is obedience.

RE: THE AVENGERS

Roger Ebert is a crazy, senile, old man. Lets take a look at some of the reviews that actually matter:

"If this movie was released in the 60's, people's eyes would have exploded and their ears would have bled as the film raped their senses." - Rick Marshall - IFC.com

"The real hero of The Avengers is not Iron Man, Thor or even Nick Fury. It's Joss Whedon." - Rick Bentley - Fresno Bee

"Present Joss Whedon's balls. And I will suck them." - Sloth Swanson - Christianity Today

"If you dig Thor or Cap or Hulk, please check out the original sources. Support your local comic book shop. You wouldn't have any of these movies without them." - Christopher Long - Movie Metropolis

"I do not like the taste of this hat. Nor do I like buying Doc action figures." - Future Dos - The 3184 Blog