The Announcement

Declaration of Independence. Civil War. Pearl Harbor. Moon landing. Seinfeld series finale. These are just a few of the biggest events in US history. Tonight, we add one more to the list. This blog is the culmination of this announcement. Everything we have worked for has led to this moment. This blog is built on the ideas of two individuals. A man named Dos. And a man named Doc.

What could the announcement be? And also, let me apologize for the delay. I did not have time to give this post the attention it deserves. Dos fears the announcement will be my retirement from the blog. Well, Dos, I am sorry to say that you are in fact... incorrect. I would not leave the blog to just Dos. The world isn't ready for a Dos only blog.

Yes, I am dragging this out for as long as humanly possible just to annoy Dos with what the actual announcement is. He doesn't think I have anything, but oh, I do. Whether is it serious or not is debatable. So it is time to just come out with it. The announcement is this. In 2012.... Dos and Doc... will be running for President! (Jointly)

We will be running with the following issues as our main points. We both agree 100% with everything I am about to write.

- Going forward, all Americans must be at least 21 to have children and have passed a simple test to prove they would be good parents. (Fuck yo natural rights) You must be 21 to drink and gamble. You need a license to drive. Well, more important than those two is the ability to raise a child. If special requirements are needed for all those other things, the same should be required for bringing someone into this world. How would we accomplish this? Well, everyone would be given some type of drug upon birth that would eliminate their ability to have children. They would be given the antidote when they reach the age of 21 and pass an easy test.

- Everyone's finger prints would be obtained and kept in a database. Your thumb would then be used to access buildings, pay for items, start cars, etc. This would increase security for the country.

- Affirmative action... goodbye! We all know it is time.

- Complete overhaul of the immigration system. If you are in this country illegally, kiss your ass goodbye. No fighting it. No loopholes. Do it legally. Simple enough.

- Prisons would be used as basically sweatshops. Do the crime, you are doing the time. Items that can be easily produced will be done by criminals, who would also be paid (although poorly) for their work. This would decrease the price of the item for good hardworking citizens.

- Speaking of criminals, there will now be a 3 strike rule in effect. If you are arrested for three felonies, you are going to jail without the chance for parole. Game over. You are working in our sweatshops from now on. In fact, I am thinking of making it 3 arrests in general. You gotta be one stupid mother fucker to get arrested three times.

- Free wifi for everyone! We will blanket the country in 4G internet for free.

- Large investments will be made in technology.

- We are going carbon neutral!

Those are the main points we plan to run on. Dos and I have talked about these issues thoroughly and we are in complete agreement. DOS and DOC 2012!