Dos 2012?

I would like to formally deny that I am running for the presidency in 2012. The reason for this is so that I can gain some media attention for denying my run, only to later announce that I will be running. All of the great candidates have once denied that they will be running to make the announcement that they will be running more dramatic. I would not want to break with this tradition. Again, I will not be running for president in 2012. As a non-candidate I would like to make you aware of some of the platforms I will be running on. Ugh, I mean not running on.

Doc has already announced his candidacy immediately after making his decision. This shows bad leadership and a lack of respect for our American institutions. Thus, I would like to take this opportunity to say that if I was to run, which I am not, I would be running against Doc. I would not be on his ticket. Still, I am not running for president.

However, if I was elected here are where I would differ with Doc's plans:

Doc's ideas involving giving parental rights to certain people at certain ages is the raving musings of a madman. They resemble something one would find sprawled across the walls of an insane man's cell written in feces. I do believe in natural rights. Also, I find it hard to make a campaign promise based on "some type of drug." The American people demand specific and practical arguments. I do not want to start mudslinging before I even announce my candidacy, but boy is this guy dumb.

Doc wants everyone's fingerprints on file. Sounds to me like Doc want s a police state. I do not want a police state and if I was running for president I would want to give the people of this fine nation more freedom, not less.

Affirmative action....ummm....wasn't Doc's two previous ideas really dumb?....yes, that will change the topic nicely.

If you are illegally in this country, you are kicked out of the country. That is what the law is now. That is why it is "illegal." Doc I think we need some more fine points to come out of this argument.

Prisons as sweatshops eh? Maybe we should not call them sweatshops for one thing. Beyond this, doesn't this already exist with like license plates? Also, do we want prisoners making our goods? What are we going to do if they make them poorly? Fire them? yeah, I'm gonna be against this one too.

A three strike rule. Does this go for every type of crime? We need more details on this one.

Country wide wifi.....FUCKING GENIUS....I might steal this idea for my campaign, but I am not running.

I will make large investments in GREEN technology. Check mate Doc, check mate.

These are my feelings against Doc's campaign. Even though I am not running against him in 2012, I do believe that I can beat him and make this country a better place for all people. Specifically the non-rich among us. GE paid 0 dollars in taxes, which is fucking crazy. Guess what wealthy 1%? I am coming after you to help make this country a better place. This nation allowed you become wealthy and it is time to give back. It won't even impact you that much as you are already filthy rich. As I get my campaign men and women together, look to this blog for more details on my position on the tough subjects this nation is currently in.

When you got to the voting booths in 2012, do not vote Doc. Again I would like to deny my candidacy, I will not run if nominated, and if elected I will not serve.







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OK let's take a side bar for a moment. That last quote was stolen form Pat Paulsen, of whom I am a big fan of. Even though he stole it from General William Sherman, I still love Paulsen's many fake runs for the presidency and would like to leave you with a few quotes from him. Oh, and I also stole his fake denial of running for presidency schtick as well.

"All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian."

"I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration. I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News"

On Miranda Rights: "Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business."

"A good many people feel that our present draft laws are unjust. These people are called soldiers."

Presidential campaign slogan: "I've upped my standards. Now, up yours."

Presidential campaign slogan: "If elected, I will win."

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman."

"I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird."

"If either the right wing or the left wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles."

When asked if he believed in the right to bear arms: "No, I believe in the right to arm bears."

On network censorship: "Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss. There are realistic taboos, especially regarding political comments. Our leaders were not elected to be tittered at. For example, we're allowed to say Ronald Reagan is a lousy actor, but we're not allowed to say he's a lousy governor—which is ridiculous. We know he's a good actor. And we're not allowed to make fun of President Johnson, but if we praise him, who would believe it?"