Well, Hooray for the Bulldog

There are some lines in movies which are not great quotes. They will never make a list of the most memorable movie quotes. If I were to say them, I would guess that most people would not know what film they are from. Moreover, they will probably not make any sense in any context beyond the film. Sometimes the way these quotes are said make them stay with you. They become a pathetic inside joke between you and the film. They just some how stick with you. Such a quote for me is the tile of this post. In one of the more desperate scenes of Citizen Kane, the title character turns to his wife, who can barely stand the sight of him anymore, to inform her that the bulldog has gone to press. The bulldog is a term that I had to look up, after this quote has stayed with me, to find out what it means. The bulldog is the early edition in the press cycle of a newspaper. It is the last version of the paper produced early in the morning in order to compete for the most up to date news. The wife Susan turns to her husband and in a moment of clear annoyance says, "Well, hooray for the bulldog." This is delivered in such an overly sarcastic manner that I can not forget it. Susan does not give a shit about the bulldog. She wants to know what has happened to her life since she has married this wealthy, but tragically flawed individual. She finds her self stuck in a huge mansion doing puzzles over and over again. She has nothing to talk to her husband about anymore and is just waiting for a moment to lash out at him. Hooray for the bulldog, indeed.

I have found that this line pops in my head fairly often. It is usually when someone tells me information that I care so little about that I do not understand why they have even opened their mouth. Let's do some examples:

"My son just made the honor roll at his pre-school"
"Well, hooray for the bulldog"

"I ate so much bad food last night and now I have to eat salad"
"Well, hooray for the bulldog"

"I have three children; the youngest one is seventeen, the oldest is thirty and the middle just started college"
"Well, hooray for the bulldog"

"I can't believe they voted (insert name) off (insert reality show)"
"Well, hooray for the bulldog"

"Ooh I don't like this, Ooh I don't like that. Oh I don't think much to all this. Oh fancy using that wallpaper. Fancy using mustard. Oo is that a proper one? Oo it's not real. Oh I don't think it's a proper restaurant unless they give you finger bowls. Oo I don't like him. I'm going to have a baby in a few years. Quite frankly I'm against people who commit suicide, I don't like that sort of person at all. I'm plain people and I'm proud of it, my mother's the salt of the earth, and I don't take the pill 'cos it's nasty. Oh I don't like him. Do you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean. I mean do you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean. I mean do you know what I mean. All men are the same. I don't like that. There's dust on here. I don't think it's a proper meal without a pudding. My husband's an architect. Oh I don't like that. I think it's silly. It's not a proper sketch without a proper punchline. I mean I don't know much about anything, I'm stupid. I'm muggins. Nobody cares what I think. I'm always the one that has to do everything. Nobody cares about me. Well I'm going to have a lot of bloody babies and they can bloody well care about me. Makes you sick half this television. They never stop talking, he'll be the ruination of her, rhythm method."
"Well, hooray for the bulldog"

My point in talking about this is two fold. First, anyone who says they have never been in one of these scenarios with a stranger is a liar. People are bizarre and they just talk on and on about nothing assuming that I care about their nonsense. So, here is my gift to you. Please use this line whenever you see fit. I tend to say it in my head. If you would like to say it out loud that would be even better. Maybe it will someday pass into slang for "something to say when a stranger is babbling on about something boring assuming everyone should care about their lives." Hopefully, in some way, it will give the unfortunate listener solace.

My second goal in sharing this expression is to make one aware of their boring tendencies, or their need to shout their opinions nonstop. I am sure I am guilty of being the "bulldog" once or twice. Maybe if we all were made aware of this we can prevent boring conversations. I mean it is really horrible being stuck there listening to...oh, nevermind...I know what your thinking...
"Well, hooray for the bulldog"

April's DVD Picks

No, this will not become a regular feature and no, I am not reviewing the best DVDs to come out this month. I am humbly reporting to you that I just purchased two DVDs from amazon.com and I would like to preach their praises. Doc can preach the praises of his most recent DVDs, or argue that he hates my choices, or whatever he wishes. Now, if you haven't noticed I like older things. Call me a wanna be hipster if you want (oh, please do I wanna be a hipster so badly), but I like vintage stuff. So, my two choices come from the years prior to 1984, that most holy year. Let's do it chronologically.

Inherit the Wind (1960) Directed by Stanly Kramer

Oh Stanly Kramer, how cool you are. If only there were as many directors as you willing to make movies about controversial subjects and actually state an opinion about those subjects. I can not think of a popular film recently that actually took an opinion about controversies. Three Kings and Munich come to mind, but not one can deny that they are few of them out there. Anyway, for those who do not know, Inherit the Wind is a film about the trial in Tennessee about the teaching of evolution in a public school. This is the famous "Scopes Trial." What is fascinating about the film is that it is not really only about this topic, but also an allegory for McCarthyism, which was near its end when the film was made. To cover these two topics at all is a daunting task. However, the movie does a fascinating and entertaining job of this. This is largely thanks to the two leads in the film, the attorneys who argue the case. I have not seen the film in a while and am looking forward to revisiting it. I was incredibly surprised by the comments on the amazon.com page for the film to see people are still arguing about the film and the points of view that it represents. It is certainly a challenging film and we will see if my glowing opinion remains after a new viewing. Even if it does, which I doubt, I will always applaud it for taking on such a controversial topic.

Modern Romance (1981) Directed by Albert Brooks

I do think that these two films compliment each other in that they both deal with real issues, but this second film attacks the personal arena, as opposed to the political one. The fear with this film is that most people will look at the title and DVD case and assume it is just a romantic comedy. It is anything but this. This may be one of the darkest films about a relationship that exists. The film is really about jealousy. Two people are dating and they are constantly breaking up and becoming reunited. This is all done out of fear of the other cheating and the confusion that surrounds one choosing to be with a person for the rest of our life. Also, the movie is darkly hilarious. One laughs at the film because they understand what the main characters are going through as everyone has been through being jealous at one time. Relationships are not always easy and the film hilariously acknowledges this, while other films opt to put romantic relationships in a neat box. You know the type where a guy and a girl almost get together the whole movie, then get close to never seeing each other again and decide to marry each other in the last minute of the film. Modern Romance is certainly not that film. It aims for realism and lands in very dark territory with sardonic laughs all the way. As Stanly Kubrick is reported to have said, it is probably the best film ever made about jealousy.

Well, I am quite excited to watch both films and then push them on friends and loved ones to enjoy until they grow sick of me asking and request that I never mention the films again. I have been loving random list making on this blog, so I would like to sign off with another one. Here is a partial list of films that have been released on DVD in April 2011 and I hope to never ever see:

Country Strong
Gulliver's Travels
Street Kings 2: Motor City

That list ended up being rather short, so I would like to get off on a quick rant. I do not like movie titles that are phrases. None of the movie titles above actually represent this actually. Still, I never want to see a film with a common phrase as the title and has little bearing on the plot of the actual movie. Here are some real and fake examples, see if you can figure out which ones are which.

What's the Worst that Could Happen?
Something to Talk About
Two in the Bush
Never on a Sunday
Nothing to Lose
New York Minute
The Battle of the Sexes
Don't Be a Menace in South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood
Nick of Time
Beating Around the Bush
What Just Happened?
It Could Happen to You
How Much is that Doggie in the Window?
The Last Straw
Training Day
On the Rocks
Electric Bogaloo

Ugh, so annoying. In May, I am actually excited for a movie that is coming out on DVD. All though the movie was made in the 1930s. So I don't know if that counts as me wanting a DVD that is a new release or not. It is The Great Dictator. Aight, I feel like I nereded it out on this blog enough for the day. Doc let your nerd flag fly and let us know some nerdy things your excited for or just comment on how I included Training Day on that list and how much you love that terrible, horrible, no good very bad film. King Kong ain't got shit on Training Day (because both of those films were so terrible but Training Day was worse) (I am referring to the most recent King Kong) (parenthesis are fun)

The 3184 Blog 127th Anniversary Spectacular

Wow. 127 years. Who would have thought the blog would have lasted this long? To think that for 127 years this blog has been making people confused by thinking it was a Honeymooners fan page. It's isn't for the record. We hate the honeymooners here. Anyway, I thought a great way to celebrate our anniversary would be to go through some excerpts from our greatest blog moments. So join me through 127 glorious 3184 battle-filled years:

March 1, 1884 Statue, We Don't need no Stinkin' Statue (a Doc post)

I do not understand why time and money is going to be spent building a statue of liberty when we know we are free and everyone else is not. I get it. We have liberty and everyone else is nuts. Isn't anyone suspicious about France giving us a statue that welcomes more immigrants to this country? This has got to be a trap. They are clearly trying to send more immigrants here. Sure France give us a statue. Thanks. Worst present ever.

April 24, 1898 No Chance of War with Spain (a Dos post)

I'm sure the American people will go to war with Spain. The government is going to shut down from not passing a budget and there will be no war with Spain.

December 22, 1908 The Last Emperor Stinks (a Doc post)

Great! So some young kid was crowned emperor in China. Now I am going to have to hear from Dos how he wants a crappy movie made about it. Boring.

November 11, 1918 If the Great War is over why do I still have to listen to Ragtime? (a Dos post)

...and so the Great War is over and since there will never be another one like it, I think it is time to list other things that should be over and never heard from again. Number one on my list; Ragtime. Since the 1890s I have had to suffer through fast piano bars with snazzy steps. They are not snazzy they stink. This one I think Doc will agree with me one. We need music that angrier, right Doc? (He loves his angry blues songs)....

October 23, 1929 Buy! Buy! Buy! (a Doc Post)

Boy are these 1920s roarin'! The good times are never going to end. I just bought a crap load of stock. At this rate, I will be able to stop working shortly.

October 24, 1929 Sell! Sell! Sell! Part II (a Dos post)

Told you bitches!

March 22, 1937 No Historical events To Reference (A Doc Post)

Man, nothing is happening today. Is this the end of the 3184 blog? Where is Dos? He has not posted in years. If he does not post shortly I think the blog is over. No one reads us anyway. I mean I put up a poll! What is wrong with you people? WE ARE SPINNING GOLD HERE!!!

February 13, 1943 Why Looney Tune shorts are Better than Disney Shorts (A Dos Post)

Doc is a fool in saying that Disney cartoon shorts are better than the Tunes. Mickey is soft on Nazism as well. I don't see him anywhere in the shorts with Hitler. Bugs and Daffy really kick Hitler's ass. Disney shorts. Bah!

May 13, 1955 How Sweet it Is (a Doc post)

There will never be a better show than the Honeymooners.

June 27, 1969 Doc is a Square Nixon Voter Working for the Man (a Dos post)

(The amount of expletives in this post prevents it from being reprinted here due slander laws and a temporary restraining order between Dos and Doc from 1969 to 1974)

September 21, 1977 Disco Sucks! (a Doc Post)

Finally Dos and I are in agreement. Let the blog continue again!

March 1, 1984

3184!

August 8, 1996

Hanson! Blind Melon! Grunge! Ducktales! 90s pop culture references!

November 16, 2002 High Five! (a Dos Post)

I am loving high fiving people in college! This is great! Free high fives here!

April 1, 2010 Warning: This Article May Contain Spoilers (a Dos Post)

Here is the thing; if you love a show or a movie, you think about it a lot...As we wait for Doc's response, I would like to leave you with this one last thought, wouldn't this blog be more enjoyable if I was able to leave you with a hint of what's to come?

Well, there you have it. Here is to 127 more years of bad jokes, complaints about no one reading our blog, worries of the blog ending, wrong predictions, fights about pop culture and anniversary themes posts! Good night and keep reading! (just kidding no one reads this blog)

One Year!

Disclaimer: Please hold your applause until the end...

It was one year ago that the 3184 Blog began. I want to take a trip down memory lane, won't you join me?

Dos and Doc never really liked each other, but they knew something was there. Their first meeting occurred during freshman year in college. Dos ran around the halls high fiving everyone, while people avoided Doc due to wild and exaggerated rumors of his rage. They would see each other, Dos would throw up his hand for a high five, and they would go about their business. But before we go any further, let me explain the meaning behind these high fives.

As a child, none of the other kids would high five Dos. You see, he would often put his hands in places where no hand should be. As a result, his hands gave off a stank the like of which most people had never seen. He was hurt that no one would give him a high five. As he got older, he continually put his hand up in the air just hoping someone would slap it. College was a fresh start. No one knew what they were high fiving. But the damage is done. Dos was getting the recognition he always wanted. Anyway, this isn't the "Dos: Origin of the High Five" post, so lets move on.

It was not until they realized they had the same birthday that Dos and Doc became friends. Even more so, Doc thought to himself: "this guy is alright" when, during a game of Risk, Doc was able to fool Dos into believing they had an alliance, but instead waited for the right moment to make his move and wipe Dos out. To this day, Dos will not align himself with Doc in a game of Risk. In fact, Dos will usually play with the intent of destroying Doc. All because of one game a few years ago.

Not only did Dos and Doc have the same birthday, but they were born in the same hospital! Perhaps their meeting in college was fate? Perhaps in the hospital they mind blogged about some hot nurse? Or the annoying babies near them? Their destiny was to create this blog. This is the culmination of their friendship. That momental game of Risk proved they could tolerate each other long enough to create a blog together. It's been a lot of late nights and long hours keeping this blog going. There have been fights. And on more than one occasion this blog has almost met it's end. But they have endured. They endure for their readers.

...

So from the bottom of our hearts, we just want to thanks ALL of our readers. Thank you for the endless amount of comments. Words of encouragement. Suggestions. All you have done to keep this blog going. So thank you, ya bastards. (By the way, I am being sarcastic you worthless assholes. Thanks for nothing)

Excuse Me, But Your Standing On My Lung

Listen buddy, you wanna smoke? I do not care. Smoke all you want. Smoke one for me too. Here is the thing though; it is pretty damn nasty. Your teeth look gross, you smell terrible and you remind me of New Jersey. What I am trying to say is that I don't want to see you. Yes, I know smokers are people too. I guess I'll just have to take your word on that one. Everything Doc said I agree with. However, what Doc is lacking is a plan.

Here is what we do. We make these giant glass boxes. They are not inside a building. They are outside all buildings. They exist on their own. They are just big glass boxes. That way people can see them get all smokey from the outside. Man, it must be gross in there. Thank goodness I don't smoke. Maybe we should have a system of tubes as you go into these buildings so no smoke gets out. You know, like those tubes in E.T. that used to freak me out when I was younger that Elliot is running through. I haven't seen that movie in a while because I dislike it, and am now debating if that part is real or if I made it up. I am pretty sure it is real and that it freaked me out. Freaked me out, just like people smoking near me.

Doc spoke of an occasion where I was walking with someone and they just started smoking in front of me. I think people should have to ask if it is OK. Given, I would probably feel bad and just have said yes. Still it would be nice to have been asked and know that this person in question was aware that some people do not like being exposed to second hand smoke.

Here is a partial list of movies that freaked me out when I was younger:

The scene of the old emperor dying from the The Dark Crystal
Every scene in The Witches
The boat scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
The woman criminal from The Goonies
The wolf from The Neverending Story
Every scene from The Secret of Nimh
The R.E.M. music video for Losing My Religion when that dude sticks his hand inside that other dude who looks like Jesus's wound in his stomach
Cher in Moonstruck
The scene where they lower people into the glowing red thing in the temple and Indian Jones is under some spell and is unaware that he is helping the bad guys in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
That opening scene of Heathers which makes no sense and has someone shooting a polo ball and someone's head
The father in the Girls Just Wanna Have Fun music video
Sloth in The Goonies
The poster for Flight of the Navigator
Jackie Mason in Caddyshack II

The Smoking Gun

Dos recently brought something to my attention that annoys me, but I have yet to go on a rant about it. Well, the time has come. And that annoyance is smoking. This day and age, how can any intelligent individual smoke?!? With what we know about all the damage it does, it is mind boggling anyone would do it. Especially seeing how expensive a habit it is. But that isn't my main issue with this post. What really bothers me is when smokers smoke infront of non-smokers.

A lot of people were upset when smoking became illegal in bars. I, however, think that was a great idea and a step in the right direction. Non-smokers shouldn't have to breathe in that God awful smell if they don't want to. If you want to smoke, get your ass outside and do it. Stop ruining my evening. I hope that one day they ban smoking in casinos as it the smell bothers me to the point where it makes me have to go outside and get some fresh air in between throwing my money away. And the non-smoking areas? Well, they are fucking worthless. You still have to cross the smoking areas to get to them anyway! And then those areas are small and lack the pizazz of the smoke areas. If anything, there should be small smoking areas! And they should be outside.

Dos recently told me he was walking and the person he was walking with started smoking while next to him. Let me ask you, person... would you smoke in Dos's car if you were riding with him? No, no you would not. And if you wanted to, you would ask first. Well, the same consideration should be taken while walking with someone. Dos didn't want to second hand smoke. But he was given no option. His little lungs didn't deserve that. Person, you are an asshole.

So what should we do with these smokers? Perhaps designated areas where they can go and do all the damage they want to themselves? Somewhere a non-smoker would have no reason to go. Hopefully one day, smoking will be little more than a memory. Why anyone would start makes little sense to me. I hope Dos can shed some more light on this issue as he was the one who brought it to my attention. Dos, the floor is yours.

The # 2 Yellow Black (or green) with an Eraser on Top Menace

HAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Doc's post was amazing! Right? Oh man, I bet that even if no one proves that they are reading the blog, that great post was enough to Doc keep going with this blog. Its just gotta. The continuation of the Dos and Doc blog, in its original format is clear.

Now, there are some problems with Doc's post. I mean, I should to be honest with you. I made fun of how the Pioneer Woman got a movie and a book deal from her blog in my previous post. Doc did not fully understand who this woman was. She is is not an immigrant, she moved from the city to the country within the United States. I guess Doc misinterpreted the word "country." This mistake is not Doc's fault, he missed the first day of kindergarten and has been trying to catch up ever since (this joke was admittedly stolen from a comedy show, try to guess which one).

I still say that if no one is reading the blog, this does not matter. That is not the point of blogs. I don't think Doc gets blogs. We all can't make clever remarks about how we used to live in the city but now live in the country, within the continental United States. We all can't take pictures, give recipes and talk about our pets. Maybe the way to look at it is as if we are a renegade blog. Our blog could never be read by many people or lead to a movie deal. It is too cutting edge and radical for the masses. We are sticking out middle finger up at society and they are too slow to even get that we are doing it. They come to our blog and just say, "I don't get this." Well, that is not all they don't get. They don't get our whole scene, man. We are something other than else. We are the complex geniuses and most of this world will never understand. We are ahead of our time.

There. I can only assume that my amazing persuasive powers has convinced Doc to stay aboard and do some more posts. Now, on to unappreciated genius:

You know what really bothers me? Number two pencils! If number two pencils are used the most, why are they not called number one pencils? Oh, and those erasers! They are not big enough, sometimes I make a lot of mistakes....and need more of an eraser....to erase...all of the....mistakes. Yeah! And who picked that color? Yellow is so unpleasing. I like the green or black though. Yellow and green or black give a nice contrast. Oh no! I am losing track here. Ugh, and what's the deal with the way they have to be sharpened. This is 2011 man, shouldn't there be a new kind of pencil that doesn't have to be sharpened. Oh wait there is, those metallic ones. Is that what they are called? I don't even know. Sometimes I make the pencils too sharp and they break so fast because it is fun using the electric sharpener. Oh, but I complained about that before saying I didn't like that....ugh....you still here? Reading the blog? This is awkward. I don't really have much to say. Can I offer you some cookies? Oh these? They are an old family recipe. The recipe? Sure, I can give it to you.....OK, I got it from the Pioneer Woman blog....here is the link http://thepioneerwoman.com/. Her recipes are so good they should be turned into a movie! What about our blog you say? Turned into a movie? Well, I don't know if it even has a future. Don't log on to us no more kid. That big ol' sun is settin' on us like it must to every grand experiment. Doc was right our blog does suck. I mean....number two pencils???? What was I thinking? I was a fool to think that I could take the number two pencil down a notch. I haven't even given you a paragraph break in a while. Here is one:

It's all over for us. There are no such thing as superheros, happy endings, a balanced diet or clever blogs written by two friends who disagree a lot. There is only a pioneer woman, her cowboy husband and her interest in photography. We have been beaten by a woman who home schools her kids and likes Chipotle-Spiced Sweet Potato Chili. I don't even like chili! I tried so hard, I even included a picture of a pencil. I sit here before you a broken man. A broken man craving a simpler life in the country with a cowgirl, a movie deal, a book deal, and a recipe for Ginger Steak Salad.

Your right Doc, the dream is over.

Doc Smash!

So let me begin by apologizing for my absence. Why did I disappear? Well, last month Dos and I put almost everything we had into the blog. And we got ZERO feedback. Does anyone read this thing? I don't think they do. So, I gave up. Dos says we should keep it up just as a place to keep our thoughts and for ourselves. But then what purpose does my diary serve?! Wait, what? But seriously, fuck everyone that doesn't read this blog. If you haven't been reading thus far, I don't even want you to start now. Just get off my page (I kid, I kid... please stay. We love you).

Now to the bigger issue... it has been brought to my attention that some fucking immigrant got a book and movie deal from her blog about her travels to America. What. The. Fuck. Our blog is much more entertaining than that nonsense. This isn't the olden days when coming to America was such a big deal. As far as I am concerned, they let any asshole in now.

I just get angry when I come to our blog now knowing that no one, minus a few people we may know, read it. We are giving you gold people! Where else can you get a week long argument about the film Inception?? Who else knows more about Muppets than Dos? Who I ask you?!?! If you read this, just let us know you are out there. Come on. Do it. Do it.

Do you want to be the reason some lady is getting millions of dollars for coming to America. Should I move to Mexico and make this blog about my journey there? Is that what you want? Cause I will do it. So help me God, I will do it.

Well, thats my rant. Perhaps my last...
















Nah, it won't be my last. But seriously, make yourself known. First person to write a comment on this post wins.... something.

Doc Stinks

You know what? I do not stink, Doc does. Where the hell has he been? Does he only come on the blog when I challenge him? Is he sad because no one did his poll? Well listen here, if any of this is true than Doc does not understand what blogs are all about.

Blogs are not just about having a challenge to overcome. That is the opposite of blogs. They are not a competition. They are about throwing yourself out there just because it is fun to do so. Also, they are not about others reading your blog. They are about being able to write about some crap and see it on a website and pretend others are reading it and that they care what you have to say. It is kind of fun in that way. Doc is ruining all of this fun. Him and I have not spoken about the blog in days. This is a horrible state of affairs. I am left with no choice, but to give another inane list of topics to get Doc to come back to the blog. Here we go:

The Iraqi and Afghan War
Best Simpsons episode
Flag burning
Seltzer vs. Club Soda...which is which?
Best TV show
Best movies of various decades
Best action movie (c'mon Doc!)
Worst job possible
Why are there no more door to door salesman?
What is this thing on the bottom of my foot?
Reasons for the fall of the Ottoman Empire
Sherbert vs. ice cream
Lost: what happened?
Friendly's Watermelon Logs
Why christopher nolan is a terrible director
Why terry gilliam is an awesome director
Why the star wars movies are so terrible
Why the lord of the rings movies are so terrible
Why ask why? Try bud dry
Why the criterion collection is so cool
VCR repair or get your degree
Best religion
Worst religion
Sitting on the Dock of the Bay and other great 70s classics
How could numbers really go on forever?
Best type of pie
Why Dos has the best DVD collection
What is the meaning of life?
Why Scarface is a terrible movie
Why Goodfellas is a terrible movie
Why Stella was a great TV show
Why TV should have test patterns at night and during the day again
Why infomercials can be fun to watch
Why the muppets are so enjoyable
Why Family Guy can be funny, but is ultimately a bad show
Why old black and white movies are so enjoyable
What is wrong with people who like low shower pressure
Why Doc has not written a post in a while
Best fictional TV show
Best fictional band
Antidisestablishmentarianism
Why superhero movies stink
Lemon Curry?
Why jazz is so enjoyable
Best non-fictional band
Sally Struthers
HEY ABBOTT!
Mel Brooks movies
Albert Brooks movies
Babbling Brooks movies
Karl Marx
Marx Brothers
Tropicana Orange Juice...why is it so great?
3 Eggs
4 Sticks of butter
A quart of milk
A container of sprinkles
A herring
5 teaspoons of vanilla extract

Now mix all of those ingredients together and you have my patented Banana Cream Pie. Thank you again for joining me for another recipe on the pioneer woman blog. I moved from the city to the country for my cowboy husband! I have a really cute dog and now write recipe books. Also, I like taking photos of things. There is a movie about my life coming out starring Reese Witherspoon. I am "funny, enthusiastic and self-depricating," says the New York Times.

Doc your move.

We Stink

I think I know why no one reads this blog. We are rather not good care takers of the place. I mean I do not believe that anyone is out there stressing for another 3184 blog entry. To be fair this is our fault. We do stink. I mean look at these fake reviews I made up:

"The 3184 blog is a frustrating mess. Dos and Doc are either arguing and posting non-stop or taking months off for no apparent reason. This all does not matter anyway because their posts are bizarre and confusing." - Roger Myers, Blogosphere Magazine

"What started out as nice little debate blog became an extremely smart and witty trip to twenty-something America, but then spiraled into a nonsensical battle about Inception, has no left us with no content to judge where they may go next. I for one want the cleverness to come back to the blog." - Weena Mercator, Blogs and Hogs Weekly

"Terrible....just a terrible and boring blog." - Charlie Chugs, Blogs Be-Bop Review

"It is just a bad blog and there are not enough posts" - Shirley Harrington, Blogs and Knitting Daily

"Not consistent, not funny and these fake reviews are only making it worse" - Mike Chang, Dog Fancy

"What was the name of that guy who was gonna be a Beatle, but then Ringo replaced him?" - Larry DuPrel, The Unauthorized 3184 Blog Biography

"Dos's entries are great but what is with that Doc guy?" - Ralph Lewis, The New York Times

Man, those reviews are terrible! We really need to get our act together. However, it is really fun to make up fake names and fake publications that they write for. So, while you sit there swearing that you are never going to read this blog again, not understanding why you are in the first place and upset about how you don't exist, here are some more:

Johnny Faber, The Sparkling Gazette
Herschel Lebowitz, The Monkey Train Weekly
Darla McTee, Fa-Foom Cha-Room Monthly
Ronnie Bitfor, The Kalamazoo Post
Upton Spitz, The Larville Post
Larry DuPont, Blogs up!
Farah Morris, Hats, Blogs, Frogs, Trout, Watermelon and Char Coal Weekly