Doc: The Madman

I am starting to think Doc is kinda crazy. Nonetheless, let's refute his poor logic. There are other foods I do not eat besides meat, this was just the topic at hand. I guess we are forced to examine the examples that Doc gave. Red meat I do not eat. Fish is not "contaminated" with mercury. Some fish, salmon specifically does not, does contain some mercury. This is only dangerous if consumed in large quantities. Therefore, this is a ridiculous argument because there are many foods that are good for you, but bad if you eat too much of. Even water fits this bill, to give an extreme example. I don't know why Doc thinks all Fish contains toxins that can harm you, but they don't. I do not eat chickens and problems with them were part of my post. Fruits do not contain poisonous fructose that make you obese. Perhaps this is the most bizarre comment Doc has ever made. It is true that fruits contain natural sugars. However, the sugar in these fruits are so minimal in comparison to the health benefits that only a madman would tell someone to stop eating fruit. These sugars are not poisonous, or no one would eat them. They also do not make you obese. Furthermore, if this was true, virtually every nutritionist that has ever lived would not recommend fruit as snacks to people who want to loose weight. This is utter nonsense.

Grains used to be the base of the food pyramid. While the pyramid has changed in recent years, grains are still recommended by the FDA. Grains are mostly carbs and, it is true that if you eat too many carbs these become fats. However, you have to eat a lot of them and whole wheat grains are good for your heart and, again, are highly recommended by the FDA. Some vegetables have pesticide residue on it that can cause health problems. This is why one must buy organic vegetables. There are plenty of organic vegetables available at most markets. There is nothing wrong with organic vegetables, one just has to be a smart consumer and know what to buy. I don't know why Doc mentioned saturated fats as these are to be avoided and no one would ever say that a healthy person should eat more of them.

On to water. I really don't know what Doc's point is here. First of all, water, unlike meat, is necessary for survival. Second, most scientists claim that fluoride is good and not bad for you in drinking water. Even if it is, there are ways to obtain non-fluoridated drinking water. Most water systems are created with filter to eliminate the toxins from the water. If one is not satisfied with this, there are many ways to obtain different types of mass produced water. Lastly, only some waters contain trace amounts of estrogen. The idea that Doc put water on this list proves that he is just stirring the pot without any basis.

My logic is far from we should not be eating. I am saying that we should choose our food wisely and not just eat everything and anything. Meat specifically is bad for our bodies and the environment. If Doc is OK with this then he can go right on eating it. However, I prefer to try and eat healthy.

I eat foods with saturated fats. This is because one can eat some in small doses and they are not as bad for you as eating diseased birds. I eat fish. This is because they have not been proven to lead to diseases like red meat. Doc said, "If you want to be 100% healthy and deprive yourself of something delicious, despite it's apparent complications, you need to go all out and do it for EVERY food with issues. Otherwise, you are just half assing it." So, according to Doc's wayward logic about food I either have to eat incredibly unhealthy food or starve. This is obviously ridiculous and does not deserve a much more of a response.

Doc also said, "I don't think any person should deprive themselves of something that would bring them joy. You have one life, live it a lil. As long as you exercise, eat whole foods, reamin consistent, and get your 8 hours of sleep each night, you will be fine. That is just scientific fact." There are plenty of examples of things that bring people joy that they should abstain from. Hard drugs is a good example. There are other things that feel good to one at the time they do it, but are actually bad for them in the long run. Should we all take up smoking because it feels good while we smoke? There is no logic to be found in Doc's words. Lastly to the whole foods comment. There are plenty of foods, when eaten as they are found in nature are still bad for you. Poisonous mushrooms are an obvious examples. More importantly, I proved with my last post that the chicken you eat, no matter where you get it, is not a whole food. It has been genetically altered by man to make it not healthy for you. 99% of all chickens consumed in the United States are altered and not "whole." I would like to know where Doc thinks he is getting his "unadulterated" birds. Also, Doc said this is a scientific fact without any references of how he got this. How can I trust that this is a fact if Doc just says it randomly. If I said that it was a scientific fact that smoking was good for you, this does not mean it is true. We need to see where that science is that backs up Doc's comment.

Don't worry fellow Dos fans, I told Doc off during the 114th post party. He just stood there and was shocked at my outrage over his post. After that, his girlfriend became a vegetarian. Doc the world is waiting for you to wake up to what most of us already know. Eat healthier man. That hot dog's taste is not worth what it is doing to your body.

Dos: The Hypocrite

Dos wrote a lengthy discussion about how he doesn't eat meat and all of the reasons why he chooses not to. Well, that is all fine and dandy, but the problem with his logic is that he just singles out meat. There are issues with a lot of food Dos puts into his body, yet meat is the only food he wants nothing to do with. Dos is a meatist. Below are a list of things wrong with various types of food. I am not going to go into detail, but here are the main points:

- Red Meat: Causes Cancer And Heart Disease
- Fish: Contaminated With Mercury And Toxins
- Broiler Chickens: 99% Are Infected With Feces
- Fruits: Contain Poisonous Fructose That Make You Obese
- Grains: Contain Carbs That Spike Insulin And Make You Fat
- Vegetables: Have Pesticide Residue That Cause Kidney Disease
- Saturated Fats: Cause Bad Cholesterol And Make You Fat
- Water: Is Filled With Fluoride, Toxins And Estrogen

So by Dos's logic, we basically shouldn't eat. Is Dos gonna sit there and tell me he doesn't eat any food that has saturated fat in it? That he doesn't eat fish? Well, if he did, he would be a God damn liar. If you want to be 100% healthy and deprive yourself of something delicious, despite it's apparent complications, you need to go all out and do it for EVERY food with issues. Otherwise, you are just half assing it.

On top of that, I don't think any person should deprive themselves of something that would bring them joy. You have one life, live it a lil. As long as you exercise, eat whole foods, reamin consistent, and get your 8 hours of sleep each night, you will be fine. That is just scientific fact. Dos is going to go to his grave having never tasted a hotdog before! A delicious hotdog! I am going to eat one in front of him while he is on his death-bed and I am still healthy despite all the meat I have eaten in my life. I hope one day Dos realizes the error of his ways and goes back to eating meat. The joy he will get from eating it outweigh the non apparent health effects from not. Doc: 1. Dos: 0.

114th Post Extravaganza!!!!!

I just realized we never celebrated getting to the 100 post milestone. So instead we will be celebrating our 114th post! Yes, this is the 114th time Dos and myself have shared our ridiculous amounts of wisdom with you. No one thought the blog would last this long. In fact, I just keep posting to spite everyone I know. But we did it. Here's to the next 114 posts! Congrats to myself and Dos. Victory party next weekend. You aren't invited.

And now the extravaganza continues with prizes for all of our loyal readers...

Get a load of fatso

First off, I will reply to Dos's post this weekend. There are more important matters that need to be tended to first. So I am at the gym tonight, doing my duty to stay fit and make sure America doesn't get any fatter as a whole, when I am about to do the last exercise I really wanted to do. It was the lateral raise machine that works your shoulders. I was looking forward to doing it and saved it for the end because someone was on it earlier. Well, I start to walk towards it and some fatso beats me to it by like 5 seconds!

I am annoyed. I want to go home. I want to eat dinner. I want to relax. I can't wait any longer and I do not feel like doing another exercise my heart isn't in. So I walk slowly and get a drink of water. Then walk back towards it. I get close and ask her how many sets she has left. She just looks at me and says "what?" with a stupid look on her face. She probably didn't understand what I was saying because I wasn't talking about food. So I then ask her again. She says she has a lot left. I knew that meant she was just taking a load off and going to be plopped on that seat as long she could. So I then asked her if I could work in (which I rarely do, but I really wanted to finish my workout and go home). Then all of a sudden her story changes and she says she has one set left. She must have caught a quick glance at the clock and realized feeding time at the zoo was almost over.

I have to admit, during the incident, I was a lot angrier and more ideas about this post were flowing through my head. I forgot what else I was going to say. I respect her for going to the gym and making somewhat of an effort to look like what a human being should look like. But you can't just putz around. You gotta give it 110%. You can't just jiggle to each machine and half ass it. Also, if I were a betting man, I wouldn't be surprised if she went home and ate a cake. You also have to eat healthy on top of working out. It's not rocket science. Fat people suck.

Why I Don't Eat Meat Or: I Am Tired of Applying to Jobs and Hearing Nothing Back So, Let's Make Doc Feel Bad About Eating Meat

Operation: Make Doc Feel Bad About Meat Eating

Doc sent me an article from some weight lifting nut who said that people who say meat is bad for you are just spewing out bullshit that vegetarians made up. This article cited no sources and just went on to say things based on conjecture. I have done research on this topic several times and would like to state here, for Doc specifically, the reasons why I do not eat meat. For the record, I am not a strict vegetarian. I do eat fish. This is because I like the way it tastes and have yet been able to give it up. Fish may be the least problematic animal protein, but it still has problems nonetheless. Let me also clearly state that I do not care much about the animals in question. If I did, I would not eat fish. My rationale for not eating meat is selfish. I am selfish about what goes in my body and do not want anything that could harm me being digested. I think many people forget that what you eat is actually delivered to the cells in your body to keep them healthy. High fructose corn syrup, for the record, does not help your cells remain healthy.

Again, I am not against eating meat itself, I am against eating it in the current incarnation that we find it in our supermarket and restaurants. The meat industry's goal is not that complicated. They want to raise an animal which can produce the most amount of meat on the least amount of feed. This way they can make meat as cheap as possible and sell more of it. From 1930 to 1995, the average weight of a broiler chicken has increased 65% and the average feed requirements has dropped 57%. This is comparable for other animals. Due to the success of this one type of chicken, there is only one type of chicken that we eat anymore. There used to be a time when there were many types of chicken, all which tasted different. The sole broiler chicken that is left has many health defects that help it survive on less food. It can not walk normally, jump, flu or have sex. This includes antibiotic free, free range, organic, and kosher birds. They are all the same bird and are all artificially inseminated. It is hard to believe that eating a unhealthy bird could be healthy for the consumer.

Probably having a bigger impact on our health are downers. A downer is a farming term for is an animal that collapses from poor health, but must be left with the others as they would be too costly to separate and help or euthanize.All animals have to go through a USDA quality check. However, due to the fact that there are just so many animals being produced, they only have two seconds to look at each animal. That is some 25,000 birds a day. This means that millions of animals that pass this test have been leaking yellow puss, stained by feces, contaminated by bacteria, having tumors or having heart or lung infections. Furthermore, these animals are communally cooled together. When they are slaughtered the carcasses become so hot that they must be cooled immediately. The cheapest way to do this is to cool them together. This results in a sort of fecal soup that gets absorbed into the other animals. 6 billion animals are prepared this way in the European Union, 9 billion in the USA and 50 billion world wide. 99% of all animals eaten or used in the USA are factory farmed this way.

All of this impacts the nutritional value of our meat. Skinless white meat chicken has lost 51.6% of its Vitamin A content and 39% of its potassium. However, it has gained 32.6% fat and 20.3% sodium. Most non-organic meat also contains sodium nitrate now, which is a carcinogen that is needed to prevent the meat from look grey and colorless. This could also be accomplished by freezing, but freezing all of this meat would be more expensive than putting some Sodium Nitrate on it.

There are other issues at hand beyond just our nutrition. The two biggest ones are the impact of the meat we eat on disease and world issues. Let's start with disease. All influenza originates in birds and the closeness of birds and man can produce more virulent forms of the flu. A specific fear is the creation of a H5N1 flu which can impact humans, pigs and birds and could cause millions of deaths. Furthermore, 83% of chicken meat is infected with disease at the time of purchase and 67% of factory farm works have some job related health issue. There is also the fear of antibiotic resistance as animals are fed antibiotics to prevent more from becoming downers that already do. Livestock are given 17.8 million pounds of antibiotics every year, while humans only receive 3 million pounds.

On to a quick look at the global impact of the meat we eat. I am assuming Doc cares the least about this, but I thought it would be worth a mention. There is the issue of world hunger as much feed that is given to the animals raised to be protein could be given to the hungry people around the world. However, the clearer issue here has to do with manure. The typical pig factory produces 7.2 million pounds of manure annually. The broiler farm has 6.6 million and the cattle farm has 344 million. This means that factory farmed animals account for making 130 times as much was as humans, 87,000 pounds per second. There are just a lot of animals being slaughtered, one company, Smithfield Farms, annually kills more hogs than the human populations of 19 cities in the United States. Due to these feces, animal agriculture makes a 40% greater contribution to global warming than all transportation, it is the number one cause of climate change. These feces pollute the air, and make children who live near it sick. Furthermore, sometimes the waste is so much that the farms must resort to dumping them in fields, which eventually run off to water supplies.

Well, there you have it. Have I overstepped the purpose of the blog by producing real information? Perhaps. I do not know what Doc's reaction will be. Only time will tell for that. However, I am happy to have my rational for not eating meat on the blog. At the very least, I think I made Doc feel a little bad. Mission accomplished.

Sources
Foer, Jonathan Safran Eating Animals (New York: Back Bay Books: Little, Brown and Company, 2009)
Pawlick, Thomas F. The End of Food: How The Food Industry Is Destroying Our Food Supply – And What You Can Do About It (Fort Lee, NJ: Barricade Books, 2006)
“Your Health” Christian Vegetarian Association Retrieved at http://www.all-creatures.org/cva/vegbenefits.htm 3/31/11“Would Jesus Eat Meat Today?” Christian Vegetarian Association Retrieved at http://www.all-creatures.org/cva/honoring.htm 3/31/11

Round About Logic or: A Nonsensical Ranting Response to Doc's Previous Two Posts and the Current States of the World and My Life

I am pretty sure when the Clash wrote "Lost in the Supermarket" they did not have Doc or I in mind. However, I feel like the lyrics apply to both of us. We are both little children in many ways. Perhaps this is why Doc hates children so much and then posted a trailer for a superhero movie. Was I the only one who caught the irony? This is a movie marketed at children and adults who have not stopped being children. Let me be clear I am all for staying young in heart and being childish. I do not see people who I consider truly to be adults to be enjoying anything about life. They seem to fight a lot and be obsessed with, to quote Douglas Adams, the traveling of little pieces of green paper. I don't want to be like that either. That sounds horrible. But I don't think my present childishness is working out either. Should I really be excited about the new Muppet movie as much as I am? In this way, I am no better than Doc and his superhero obsession. OK, a little better than Doc, but not much.

I think life is all about perception. You can have a horrible life but if you have a great attitude it can be wonderful. Let me be clear again, you would have to truly have a great attitude. Those people who pretend to have a great attitude, act really fakely happy and then freak out when they come home do not have a great attitude. So, the question is; how can I keep a sincere good attitude when there are so many problem in the world as a whole and in my personal life? I think we have to remain childish! I think that is the key. I think we have to embrace every emotion we have. Look, life is going to always have its problems and it would be dumb to pretend it doesn't. Thus, we have to just embrace every emotion as it happens, let it take us over and deal with it head on. Also, we have to embrace all our wants and joys as much as possible. I am excited for the Muppet movie! I kind of even want to see x-men now! This is just like that song by the Clash, "Lost in the Supermarket." In fact, I bet it was written about Doc and I. It is pure childish emotions. Nothing is solved in the song, but it makes you feel better.

Peace was never an option

Problem Child

I have come to the conclusion that I fucking hate children. No, I do not want to see a million pictures of your kid on my facebook newsfeed. No, I do not give two shits what your stupid little kid accomplished over the weekend. On top of that, every baby looks exactly the same. If I have seen one, I have seen them all. And each one is as non impressive as the one before it.

So I propose we keep children sealed off in a closed society. When they reach the appropriate age, we let them re-enter civilization. No more will we be subjected to having to listen to a crying baby. We will no longer have to see some stupid kid drooling all over the place. No more will we have to pretend to care about someone else's kids and put a stupid fucking smile on our face like we give two shits.

The worst of it all is people who live through their children. They pass their unfulfilled dreams onto their kids. Who then fail as well and pass them on to their kids. It's a vicious cycle. Nine times out of ten those kids are bastards. Mommy and Daddy's little accident. Their lives are over. So they have to live through their kids because they were unable to do anything with their lives.

Am I being a little harsh here? Absolutely. But seriously, stop forcing your stupid kids on us. No one cares about them. Babies aren't impressive. You know what's impressive? Well, I don't know. But I can tell you what's not impressive. Dos's DVD collection. Which will be obsolete soon. Its coming Dos. Its coming!

Is This a Face that America can Trust?

This picture was taken several seconds after Doc robbed an orphanage.

Paid for the commission to get to Dos to run for president and prevent Doc's takeover as he would make this country unbearable to live in.

I Believe in America

Doc believes in America. Now you can too.



Paid for by the people to elect Doc.

The Time Has Come for Answers

"Replace the word Hitler with Dos and replace the word Nazis with Muppets." There is so much wrong with this logic I do not know where to begin. Am I a tyrannical leader and are the Muppets my party? Even if this was what Doc was trying to say it would not make much sense. Let me tell you a little about Doc. First of all, he won't even share his name with us. If he is hiding his actual name, what else is he hiding? Secret ties to the the underworld probably. I would like to know a little more about Doc's past. Who is this candidate? Where did he come from? Since I am not yet officially a candidate I am free from answering all of these questions. However Doc is not. So, I leave you with several questions the public is demanding to hear Doc's thoughts on.

What would you do about the attempts of many nations trying to obtain a nuclear bomb?

What would you do about the crisis in the middle east?

Who is your favorite muppet?

What are your feeling on the ending of Lost?

What party do you belong to?

What would you do to help the economy?

What is your position on Iraq and Afghanistan?

Should Puerto Rico become a state?

How come I can't get no tang around here?

Would you try to change factory farming?

Do you believe flag burning should be illegal?

What do you think about universal health care?

What do you think about the current tax laws?


Doc, the public demands answers. In lieu of a autobiography, as most candidates produce, we would also like a post about your background. The American people have a right to know who is trying to lead their country and his stance on the issues!

Vote DOC 2012

So it begins. Dos has resinged from camp Doc and is going his own way. If you vote for Dos, you can expect mandatory muppet marathons. Basically, replace Hitler with Dos and Nazis with muppets. I am not worried in the slightest by this though. The ideas I will be running on are revolutionary and Dos knows this. He is just scared.

On top of what I proposed below, I have a few more elements I would change about America:

- Prostitution would be legalized. It is already happening anyway. Might as well make it legal so we can tax the shit out of it and use the money for good. On top of that, we can make it safer. I predict in 10 years going to the local whore house will be as common as brushing your teeth! The cost of whores will be based on their hotness and what they are willing to do. We can break out the pricing better once I'm elected.

- Marijuana will also be legalized. Any fool can go get pot anytime they want. Its that easy. Again, we legalize it and tax it and use the money for good. We keep the money from the drug dealers. There will be laws for it like what we have for alcohol.

Welcome to Doc country.

Dos 2012?

I would like to formally deny that I am running for the presidency in 2012. The reason for this is so that I can gain some media attention for denying my run, only to later announce that I will be running. All of the great candidates have once denied that they will be running to make the announcement that they will be running more dramatic. I would not want to break with this tradition. Again, I will not be running for president in 2012. As a non-candidate I would like to make you aware of some of the platforms I will be running on. Ugh, I mean not running on.

Doc has already announced his candidacy immediately after making his decision. This shows bad leadership and a lack of respect for our American institutions. Thus, I would like to take this opportunity to say that if I was to run, which I am not, I would be running against Doc. I would not be on his ticket. Still, I am not running for president.

However, if I was elected here are where I would differ with Doc's plans:

Doc's ideas involving giving parental rights to certain people at certain ages is the raving musings of a madman. They resemble something one would find sprawled across the walls of an insane man's cell written in feces. I do believe in natural rights. Also, I find it hard to make a campaign promise based on "some type of drug." The American people demand specific and practical arguments. I do not want to start mudslinging before I even announce my candidacy, but boy is this guy dumb.

Doc wants everyone's fingerprints on file. Sounds to me like Doc want s a police state. I do not want a police state and if I was running for president I would want to give the people of this fine nation more freedom, not less.

Affirmative action....ummm....wasn't Doc's two previous ideas really dumb?....yes, that will change the topic nicely.

If you are illegally in this country, you are kicked out of the country. That is what the law is now. That is why it is "illegal." Doc I think we need some more fine points to come out of this argument.

Prisons as sweatshops eh? Maybe we should not call them sweatshops for one thing. Beyond this, doesn't this already exist with like license plates? Also, do we want prisoners making our goods? What are we going to do if they make them poorly? Fire them? yeah, I'm gonna be against this one too.

A three strike rule. Does this go for every type of crime? We need more details on this one.

Country wide wifi.....FUCKING GENIUS....I might steal this idea for my campaign, but I am not running.

I will make large investments in GREEN technology. Check mate Doc, check mate.

These are my feelings against Doc's campaign. Even though I am not running against him in 2012, I do believe that I can beat him and make this country a better place for all people. Specifically the non-rich among us. GE paid 0 dollars in taxes, which is fucking crazy. Guess what wealthy 1%? I am coming after you to help make this country a better place. This nation allowed you become wealthy and it is time to give back. It won't even impact you that much as you are already filthy rich. As I get my campaign men and women together, look to this blog for more details on my position on the tough subjects this nation is currently in.

When you got to the voting booths in 2012, do not vote Doc. Again I would like to deny my candidacy, I will not run if nominated, and if elected I will not serve.







___________________________________________
OK let's take a side bar for a moment. That last quote was stolen form Pat Paulsen, of whom I am a big fan of. Even though he stole it from General William Sherman, I still love Paulsen's many fake runs for the presidency and would like to leave you with a few quotes from him. Oh, and I also stole his fake denial of running for presidency schtick as well.

"All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian."

"I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration. I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News"

On Miranda Rights: "Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business."

"A good many people feel that our present draft laws are unjust. These people are called soldiers."

Presidential campaign slogan: "I've upped my standards. Now, up yours."

Presidential campaign slogan: "If elected, I will win."

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman."

"I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird."

"If either the right wing or the left wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles."

When asked if he believed in the right to bear arms: "No, I believe in the right to arm bears."

On network censorship: "Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss. There are realistic taboos, especially regarding political comments. Our leaders were not elected to be tittered at. For example, we're allowed to say Ronald Reagan is a lousy actor, but we're not allowed to say he's a lousy governor—which is ridiculous. We know he's a good actor. And we're not allowed to make fun of President Johnson, but if we praise him, who would believe it?"

The Announcement

Declaration of Independence. Civil War. Pearl Harbor. Moon landing. Seinfeld series finale. These are just a few of the biggest events in US history. Tonight, we add one more to the list. This blog is the culmination of this announcement. Everything we have worked for has led to this moment. This blog is built on the ideas of two individuals. A man named Dos. And a man named Doc.

What could the announcement be? And also, let me apologize for the delay. I did not have time to give this post the attention it deserves. Dos fears the announcement will be my retirement from the blog. Well, Dos, I am sorry to say that you are in fact... incorrect. I would not leave the blog to just Dos. The world isn't ready for a Dos only blog.

Yes, I am dragging this out for as long as humanly possible just to annoy Dos with what the actual announcement is. He doesn't think I have anything, but oh, I do. Whether is it serious or not is debatable. So it is time to just come out with it. The announcement is this. In 2012.... Dos and Doc... will be running for President! (Jointly)

We will be running with the following issues as our main points. We both agree 100% with everything I am about to write.

- Going forward, all Americans must be at least 21 to have children and have passed a simple test to prove they would be good parents. (Fuck yo natural rights) You must be 21 to drink and gamble. You need a license to drive. Well, more important than those two is the ability to raise a child. If special requirements are needed for all those other things, the same should be required for bringing someone into this world. How would we accomplish this? Well, everyone would be given some type of drug upon birth that would eliminate their ability to have children. They would be given the antidote when they reach the age of 21 and pass an easy test.

- Everyone's finger prints would be obtained and kept in a database. Your thumb would then be used to access buildings, pay for items, start cars, etc. This would increase security for the country.

- Affirmative action... goodbye! We all know it is time.

- Complete overhaul of the immigration system. If you are in this country illegally, kiss your ass goodbye. No fighting it. No loopholes. Do it legally. Simple enough.

- Prisons would be used as basically sweatshops. Do the crime, you are doing the time. Items that can be easily produced will be done by criminals, who would also be paid (although poorly) for their work. This would decrease the price of the item for good hardworking citizens.

- Speaking of criminals, there will now be a 3 strike rule in effect. If you are arrested for three felonies, you are going to jail without the chance for parole. Game over. You are working in our sweatshops from now on. In fact, I am thinking of making it 3 arrests in general. You gotta be one stupid mother fucker to get arrested three times.

- Free wifi for everyone! We will blanket the country in 4G internet for free.

- Large investments will be made in technology.

- We are going carbon neutral!

Those are the main points we plan to run on. Dos and I have talked about these issues thoroughly and we are in complete agreement. DOS and DOC 2012!

It's coming!

Just a few more short hours until the news that will shock the world

Planes, Trains and Deadlines

What the hell is this? I was not consulted about some event at 10 tonight! You shouldn't have got on the train late! That is why you had to stand!

OK, one thing at a time. The train is a public-benefit corporation, which means they are only semi-private. If you want to change policies, they are directly intwined with the government. So, talk to uncle sam...I think...these whole semi-private companies confuse me. Anyway, that guy who complained seems annoying. Sometimes trains run late. It is not a science. Deal.

Now, I would like to state in clear and bold letters that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DOC IS UP TO. I have never consented to this 10 pm thing. I have no idea what it is about and I probably won't like it. I guess we will all have to wait to see what nonsense Doc has come up with. Also, I do not get this deadline thing with a blog. There is no reason to say something will happen at 10 when anyone can check it anytime after that and it won't change.

I feel the need to say something about planes to make my title make sense. So, planes...are....cool, but scary sometimes. There it is.

I leave you with a note of fear. What does Doc have in store for us? It really could be any crack pot idea. I wish all members of human race good luck during this uneasy time. I hope that this ends well for all. May God bless you all and God bless America.

The Countdown Begins

Check back tomorrow around 10pm est. for a big, juicy, spectacular announcement regarding DOS and DOC!!!!!

I got to ask you. If every time Snotboogie would grab the money and run away, why'd you even let him in the game?

So something funny happened to me today. Okay, not really. I just wanted to start on that note. I was on the train heading home from work, and when they started to check for tickets, one individual refused to show his ticket because the train did not leave on time. The other passengers, including myself, began to curse at this individual and say what a silly asshole he was. I began to think further about the situation, and in retrospect, I think this guy was wise to stand up to the shitty train service we have to deal with daily.

If I pay the same amount for a ticket as another individual, is it fair if he gets a seat and I do not? If the trains aren't running on time, causing lateness, is it fair that I am not in some way comped? The bottom line is this: trains have a monopoly. There is no way around it. It's not like there is another train running parallel to it offering different rates. We are stuck with what is being offered and have no alternative. Driving is not an option for longer trips taking into effect traffic and gas prices. Flying would just be silly. So we are just left with the train. That's it.

There are no solutions to this problem. If you want/have to ride the train, you are stuck with what there is. Unless some company decides to build a track right next to the current one, you have no choice. There are different airlines, buses, cabs. But trains... nada. I am surprised I have never heard anyone argue about this before. Or perhaps I am reaching new areas with what will enrage me?

Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

I have a confession to make. Yesterday when I said 80% of minorities bothered me, I was being a bit harsh. You see, earlier that day I had taken a trip to the deli to get some cold cuts. What should have been a 5 min trip was delayed because of two individuals of mexican decent at the register. These two fine young gentleman were slowing down the normal checkout process. One was opening food before they had even paid for it. Scarfing it down at the register and making quite the mess. Im sure this little whipper snapper meant no harm, he just didn't know any better. His friend, instead of paying right away, decided to purchase some candy cigarettes for his son, and then grabbed some more for all of the "kids." Who these other kids were, I have no idea. Other neighborhood kids? Other children in his house? I can't be sure. But what a fine young man for purchasing candy and promoting smoking to what I can only assume were very young children. I was quite irate with wasting my time standing behind these two knuckleheads. So for this, my 80% was a little high and I would like to rectify my actions. I would drop that number down to a solid 75%. I have no problem with 1/4 of minorities out there. Which I believe is quite fair. I hope our one and only reader isn't black! LOL

You Do Not Meet the Minimum Requirements for this Job Posting

This blog has been all over the place recently and it looks to me like it is dying. I think it is time for me to take out the big guns and tell you more about myself. In doing so, I will spend most of the time complaining, even though I live a mostly privileged and lucky life. First let's respond to Doc:

80% of minorities? Harsh! I hate a lot of people, but it is not because they are minorities. It is because most people they are selfish and inconsiderate, regardless of their background.

Anyway, even though I hate all of these people, apparently I have to work with them. I just received a degree and am now forced to look for a full time job, beyond my part time jobs. Apparently if you want to move out of your parents house you need money. This was a situation which I did not plan well for. I got three degrees in a field that I was interested in and enjoyed. I think this may have been a mistake. Of course, this is quite early in my job search (Day 8 to be precise), and I should not be complaining this much yet, but I am. It just does not look good out there. Given, it did not look that good for anyone for the past few years. However, now it is directly impacting me so I can start being officially depressed by it. Look, I am going to keep applying and keep complaining for what may be many years from now. I think I need a game plan. Let's try to figure one out together.

I. Music

I think that during this job search I should only utilize certain forms of entertainment. In regards to music, I am limiting myself to folk songs from the 1960s. During the 1960s, many people operated under the strange assumption that one can actually implement social and political change without violence and in a very short time. Much of this hopefulness has died. However, one way of expression this want of change was through music. Specifically building on folk music form the Great Depression. Groups like the Chad Mitchell Trio and The Weavers sang songs which focused on the plight of the working man. I think it is crucial that I listen to this music during this job application process. This way I will feel like the whole world is working to help me get a job and that even the popular art forms realize my problems in getting a job.

II. Movies

It has got to be bleak foreign films. Right? I mean if I am going to be depressed I should really do it in style. You know, those films which make little sense but you know everyone is going to die before the end of it because the whole point of the film is to show you that life is meaningless because we will all die someday. Yeah, those are the ones for me.

III. Clothing

I think I have to start dressing worse. I don't mean for job interviews, I mean in everyday life. I want people to look at me and thing, "oh man, he needs a job!" This way they will help me get a job. No one is going to help a nicely dressed man get a job. He doesn't need a job, he is wearing a nice suit! I need to look really pathetic to pull this off. I think I have a tissue box that is almost finished at home that I can use for shoes.

IV. Be Odd

I have to stick out in people's minds. That is how someone gets a job. The interviewer or person going through resumes somehow remembers you. I have to start having strange habits. Maybe I will wear a monocle. No one is going to forget the monocle guy. I think also I will start ending every sentence with the phrase "...but that is just my opinion." This will serve two purposes. Number 1, people will remember this. Number 2, I can not be wrong if it is my opinion. No more worrying about what I say in front of potential employers. What? Killing all of the cats in the world? That was just my opinion man, I am not saying it is good or we should do it. It is just my opinion. See, I can't be wrong.

V. Constantly Complain

The more I complain, the more likely it is that someone else will get me a job to shut me up. I have this ability to be really annoying. It is a gift. Sometimes I have trouble turning it off, but turning it on has never been a problem. I can cry about not having a full time job and my loved ones will work harder to get me one so they can avoid slipping on my tears.

VI. Apply to every job I see

Even if it does not apply to me or that I am dangerously unqualified. I can be a Foreman on a new building. I can be a cop. I can be anything I want to be. This way something has stick. Also, I can spend the moments I am applying to such jobs pretending I am qualified for those jobs. I always wanted to be a fireman, and now I can...because...I applied to the job.

VII. Eat more pie

This won't really help me get a job, but I do like pie and have been meaning to eat more.

VIII. Do a blog post about how you are looking for a job

This way, I can lie to people and say that I am networking. Who cares that you don't know what type of job I want and no one reads this blog. The Internet is viewed by millions of people every day. Maybe they will find my blog. That is what I call networking.

IX. Give potential employeers the idea that you will finish every job you start

fuck it...

We do not, NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point

So my last post was a little scattered, I will admit. My heart hasn't been into the blog lately. Dos seems to enjoy writing lists when I am MIA and he has nothing to play off of. I am gonna follow suit. Below is a list of everything I am not a fan of:

Fat people
Reality tv
People who talk during movies
People who bring young children/babies to adult movies
Babies
Young children
Teenagers
80% of minorities
80% of the human population
Gangster music
Thugs
White people who act like thugs
People who smoke while im near by
People who breathe loudly
Traffic/Train/Plane delays
People who spell the word "definitely" wrong
Playstation network for getting hacked and not working for the past month
Too much crap on tv
The cancellations of Firefly and Angel
Crappy economy
Food poisoning
Price of gas
Snakes
Star Trek: The Next Generation going out on Nemesis
People who live in America but don't speak English
No direct flights from Islip to Az
Not being able to access this blog at work
The gym being crowded on Mondays
The ending of LOST
Watching a new episode of The Simpsons
Holidays
Religion
Criminals being given too many second chances
Remakes

That is all I got for now. Sure there are a million more. Doc out.